Enough.

Science, agreed, had advanced its’ way from the dark deep forest of Medieval times. Today, we can measure almost anything but….not every thing. There are still a lot of aspects of human life that can not be defined and explained with precision. Scent, music, poetry are just some of the things that vary for each individual, therefore, the way two individuals will interpret same thing can be completely different.

Such are things for which there is no gauge. You might be skiing through the soft snowy peaks of Swiss Alps or sunbathing on a sandy beach at Bali, how do you measure the beauty and the experience? I might go to the same place, stay at the same Hotel and carry out the same activities as you, still my feelings will not be the same as yours…. how I will rate different components of my trips will probably differ from your feedback.

We all are unique… we bring with us not just unique fingerprints but unique attributes…. The DNA isn’t the only base for our distinguishing characteristics; rather it is the whole Universe inside us which is distinctive. Depending on our childhoods, parenting, educational backgrounds, social lives and demographic factors we build in us strong and complex identities.

So what is enough? Is my enough, enough for you? Is your enough, enough for me? Yes it sound silly, but it is a question that needs answers. Take this as an example: I am happily married to the love of my life, but that is only because I CHOOSE to be happy despite all the shortcomings that practically come along with marriage. We are currently in a long distance relationship for few months and though it has made us appreciate our companionship more, I at times feel his enough is not good enough for me. I am a compromising soul, I have the ability to settle for less than I deserve and so I have but what if I am nearing that point where it will soon be enough for me. Where I will have had enough of seeing the beauty in my relationship and I will no longer be able to ignore my falling expectations… He is a great guy! He looks out for me and is genuinely caring. He is a handsome, successful professional and people enjoy his company. He is a great father to our son and a supportive husband to me.

But why is all this perfection not enough for me? I go deeper than these checklist attributes, I want more time and attention than he has on his hands for me… I want that genuine expression of love that twinkles in a lover’s eye… I have it all for him and wish he had the same in return. But guess he never will because I have given him eight years and though he has changed a lot for the better since I first met him… it is still not enough to make me feel loved the way I deserve.

Humans should have been designed to feel same things on same level, that way there would be no expectations, no guilt, no pain and no fear. But we are humans not angels… our individualistic natures are strong for a reason. That is why, no matter how well coordinated…. your enough will never be my enough.

 

 

The Essence of Bonding

So last night, my husband and I left our little one with his grandma and went out for ‘the’ anniversary dinner.  I had made pocket-size placards with cute questions concerning our seven year old relationship. My husband is not the expressive type nor is he anywhere near being a romantic but I don’t let it get to me in a negative way. I keep the spark alive by still doing what I do best… making him feel special.

But last night… two years into the marriage and I felt a different kind of disappointment. The sort we usually shove away from time to time in order to keep the ship sailing smoothly. The attention and emotion with which I had crafted the questions was not reciprocated, in fact my partner didn’t understand the sensitivity and the love in those questions. What I had hoped for an interesting, special dinner conversation, to my disappointment, turned into an interview-like scenario. Although he was making an effort, I could tell, he still couldn’t  bring the answers from deep within. His mind was pre-occupied.

What’s interesting is, no matter how much two people might be in love and no matter how they rise above their differences to make a relationship work, they are almost never in the same place at the same time emotionally. Living the moment is becoming harder day by day, especially with the social media impacting our lives in multiple ways. From the necessary check-ins to the friends tagging to taking the perfect picture, the true essence of bonding is reducing. I cannot point fingers at others when I myself am a victim of this social web.

It is so disoriented sitting at a fancy restaurant with your spouse, on your anniversary checking official emails! If on an occasion like this, you do not want to gaze into your partner’s eyes and get lost into soul talks, then seriously why go through such dinners at all?

Are weekend getaways, holidays abroad, eating food that looks highly appealing merely becoming ticks on some checklist of ours…a checklist in order to prove to ourselves and the audience around, how happy and lucky we are…? How many bucket lists are there with just the sole purpose of satisfying our souls and not showcasing or proving anything to anyone?

Where technology has given us comfort and literally brought everything on our doorstep, it has taken from us, the essence of bonding…