couples · expectations · life · marriage · reality

Enough.

Science, agreed, had advanced its’ way from the dark deep forest of Medieval times. Today, we can measure almost anything but….not every thing. There are still a lot of aspects of human life that can not be defined and explained with precision. Scent, music, poetry are just some of the things that vary for each individual, therefore, the way two individuals will interpret same thing can be completely different.

Such are things for which there is no gauge. You might be skiing through the soft snowy peaks of Swiss Alps or sunbathing on a sandy beach at Bali, how do you measure the beauty and the experience? I might go to the same place, stay at the same Hotel and carry out the same activities as you, still my feelings will not be the same as yours…. how I will rate different components of my trips will probably differ from your feedback.

We all are unique… we bring with us not just unique fingerprints but unique attributes…. The DNA isn’t the only base for our distinguishing characteristics; rather it is the whole Universe inside us which is distinctive. Depending on our childhoods, parenting, educational backgrounds, social lives and demographic factors we build in us strong and complex identities.

So what is enough? Is my enough, enough for you? Is your enough, enough for me? Yes it sound silly, but it is a question that needs answers. Take this as an example: I am happily married to the love of my life, but that is only because I CHOOSE to be happy despite all the shortcomings that practically come along with marriage. We are currently in a long distance relationship for few months and though it has made us appreciate our companionship more, I at times feel his enough is not good enough for me. I am a compromising soul, I have the ability to settle for less than I deserve and so I have but what if I am nearing that point where it will soon be enough for me. Where I will have had enough of seeing the beauty in my relationship and I will no longer be able to ignore my falling expectations… He is a great guy! He looks out for me and is genuinely caring. He is a handsome, successful professional and people enjoy his company. He is a great father to our son and a supportive husband to me.

But why is all this perfection not enough for me? I go deeper than these checklist attributes, I want more time and attention than he has on his hands for me… I want that genuine expression of love that twinkles in a lover’s eye… I have it all for him and wish he had the same in return. But guess he never will because I have given him eight years and though he has changed a lot for the better since I first met him… it is still not enough to make me feel loved the way I deserve.

Humans should have been designed to feel same things on same level, that way there would be no expectations, no guilt, no pain and no fear. But we are humans not angels… our individualistic natures are strong for a reason. That is why, no matter how well coordinated…. your enough will never be my enough.

 

 

reality

The Pitfalls of Peer Pressure

“Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated”

Says Confucius, a Chinese philosopher and a politician who lived almost 2500 years ago. What I find interesting is that this man lived during such a simple period itself, how many possible complications must have existed then! And I wonder if he saw the complexities a modern man dwells in today, he would have to redefine his complicated life as a really simple one.

But whatever period we take into consideration, truth is this that yes! We love to complicate things. At present, a maximalism theory is spreading at a constantly alarming rate. ‘Less is More’ is being replaced by ‘More is More’ at least in the financial aspect of our lives. To acquire more of anything today, whether it is a tangible commodity or an intangible one, one needs money. It would not be wrong to suggest that we have come to a point where money is being worshiped and greed is soaring.

Money is everything in today’s world and why wouldn’t it be? If you want to live a good life, travel around the world, eat in the finest of places and buy the most high-end brands you need it, face it. There DO exist people who want to achieve all of the above but only for their inner satisfaction and contentment: they live their life to the fullest, without showing off to anyone because that is not what their objective is, they are simply living their dreams, merely for themselves….

However, there is another kind too! Majority of which comprises of Millennials and Gen-Y who think beyond this reasonable motive. They want to do more then just live because they ‘need’ to prove something to their peers too by living a good life. But why so? Why are they being driven into proving something about themselves to others? Why are they developing complexes? The answer is that day-by-day more people are finding themselves in a sticky web of peer pressure. Peer pressure can be both positive or negative but there are more victims as a result of negative peer pressure. And you can not blame them for letting this pressure get to them. It is human nature to feel it and also to respond to it.

Sadness


So much is lost in terms of quality time, productivity and pure joy when the element of pleasing or impressing others creeps in. Today so many of our actions only take place in order to make a statement. One can’t deny that social media is the strongest agent in promoting such pretenders. Much effort is put in, in terms of the online filters, the most appropriate lighting, the perfect layout for one single Instagram shot. While ordering food, more thought is put into what will look good ‘in the picture’ then what one actually wants to eat. Instead of then eating the dish as soon as it gets to your table, first it has to be arranged and the camera has to be repositioned several times before getting the most desirable click. The moment something amusing catches the eye, Snapchat is opened and snap! The picture/video is shared within a second with the friends and “followers”.

Travelling doesn’t feel as much fun if people around us don’t get to see what we are experiencing and the cost of the itinerary is not justified till the Facebook status shows where we are travelling to. It might look as if I am exaggerating but seriously, this all exists for many and hence, is pretty relatable.


Truth be told, I myself fall into the trap of peer pressure at times. Take my current situation: my son’s first birthday is coming up and with the emerging trend of throwing up beautiful birthday parties, I am a bit overwhelmed myself. There is a good amount of pressure on me to execute a perfect sweet birthday for my little one. Rather then focusing on making it a private affair and doing things what my tiny new family would have cherished, I need to make a statement to around seventy people that we are one happy couple who cares a lot about their son. I want the music to play smoothly, the kids to not misbehave, the food to be memorable and the venue to be enchanting… only then will this birthday feel picture perfect….


Being comfortable in one’s own skin is hard these days. In a literal sense too! I fail to comprehend the need to apply endless coats on your face, apply falsies (nails, lashes and so on), use a dozen kind of brushes and products in order to look beautiful. Again, who are we achieving to be? A fake person in a fake world? It is just sad honestly.

To guard oneself from the negative thoughts and acts that arise due to peer pressure, each one of us needs to set our priorities straight. Try to inculcate minimalism and simplicity in our lifestyle; even more important is originality! Because as long as a person owns an original identity, he is able to defend himself from the complexes and materialism around.  Yes! It is satisfying to earn well, eat well, live well and be happy but it should not be at the expense of letting others down by showing off.

expectations · life · reality

The Carousel of Expectations

At a tender age, I didn’t learn many great things about life but one valuable lesson that I did indeed learn was to keep my expectations at a minimum. Expectations…well doesn’t just the sound of this word, feels so vague and pointless? They say one should keep expectations high on achievement and low on people. I hold reservations regarding this statement; for me expectations, on any platform at all, are bound to hurt you at one point or the other.

When you start expecting something in return for your hard work or your goodness, you unknowingly embark on a treacherous path which can deviate you away from reality. The outcome of such distraction could lie anywhere in the range between temporary mild sadness to depression.

To understand why we create expectations, we will have to drill down a bit deeper. It’s because we are instilled with the concept of action and reaction since beginning of time-give and take. We feel if we are doing a righteous act, lending out a helping hand or working hard towards a goal, it is bound to reward us in some form. Honestly, half of the things we do in today’s time is only because we feel that either God or some human will ‘pay.us.back’. If this isn’t enough, we build on the expectation more so!…. since we also know that ‘karma’ exists.

The outcome of this thought-process?

If things do go out the way we were expecting, all is well BUT if they don’t, they leave one with a broken heart. We start blaming luck, fate or some being for this, whereas there is no one to be actually blamed but ourselves… ourselves for expecting….

There is no harm with believing in oneself; in fact it is the most essential building block of one’s character: Self-Belief. However, this self-belief fused with expectations is not a healthy combination for the soul. When the expectations go down, our self-belief is adversely affected too, leading to low level of confidence and demotivation.

Whilst hard work and dedication usually pay off in later stages of life, if not earlier, people are a more complex field.  Majority of the people you encounter are bound to hurt you, betray you or break your trust. That is why it is crucial to put up your guard all the time, do good but expect nothing. After all, if you are genuinely a good person, all the good you do with others will come naturally to you without any tags. Only then you will be able to walk away with no misery.

…..only a smile.

gloominess · marriage

Autumn in Springtime

Bright flowers basking in the warm syrupy sunshine, children out in the park… spraying life around with their motion and fresh seasonal fruit embellishing the markets. Nothing about this time can be imperfect right? Spring is here! Ready to welcome the summers with it’s luminous nature but then….why does it feel like autumn inside?

The season around us volunteers in setting a tone, like perhaps a background music but it is not necessary to be in sync with it. The real season is only the season within you. Sometimes it’s gloomy inside even when the birds are chirping and petals are swaying away in light breeze and sometimes there is so much radiance in your soul that no winter whites can diminish it.

How do you ensure that against all odds and all seasons… there is always sufficient sunshine reaching your heart and lighting your soul….? Is Faith all what it takes to stay afloat or is it your mind-control that is the ultimate tool for sculpting your thoughts and steering your focus in the right direction? It has to be a blend of both I believe but for these two mechanisms to thrive, self-discipline is foremost.

Let’s work on that.

 

 

couples · marriage

The Essence of Bonding

So last night, my husband and I left our little one with his grandma and went out for ‘the’ anniversary dinner.  I had made pocket-size placards with cute questions concerning our seven year old relationship. My husband is not the expressive type nor is he anywhere near being a romantic but I don’t let it get to me in a negative way. I keep the spark alive by still doing what I do best… making him feel special.

But last night… two years into the marriage and I felt a different kind of disappointment. The sort we usually shove away from time to time in order to keep the ship sailing smoothly. The attention and emotion with which I had crafted the questions was not reciprocated, in fact my partner didn’t understand the sensitivity and the love in those questions. What I had hoped for an interesting, special dinner conversation, to my disappointment, turned into an interview-like scenario. Although he was making an effort, I could tell, he still couldn’t  bring the answers from deep within. His mind was pre-occupied.

What’s interesting is, no matter how much two people might be in love and no matter how they rise above their differences to make a relationship work, they are almost never in the same place at the same time emotionally. Living the moment is becoming harder day by day, especially with the social media impacting our lives in multiple ways. From the necessary check-ins to the friends tagging to taking the perfect picture, the true essence of bonding is reducing. I cannot point fingers at others when I myself am a victim of this social web.

It is so disoriented sitting at a fancy restaurant with your spouse, on your anniversary checking official emails! If on an occasion like this, you do not want to gaze into your partner’s eyes and get lost into soul talks, then seriously why go through such dinners at all?

Are weekend getaways, holidays abroad, eating food that looks highly appealing merely becoming ticks on some checklist of ours…a checklist in order to prove to ourselves and the audience around, how happy and lucky we are…? How many bucket lists are there with just the sole purpose of satisfying our souls and not showcasing or proving anything to anyone?

Where technology has given us comfort and literally brought everything on our doorstep, it has taken from us, the essence of bonding…

Uncategorized

First things last…

I love to express…. whether it’s through writing, cooking or any warm gesture…it makes me happy… life’s too short to allow sadness to creep in anyway.

I have endless things on my mind right now. It’s my second wedding anniversary, I should be home grooming myself for the special dinner tonight or perhaps organize my cluttered room to my husband’s delight.

Or I might as well dig out the ambitious mouse sleeping inside me and push myself to complete a thesis that is due for submission in two weeks. Could be that I finally execute a photoshoot I have been planning for my nine-month son…

In any case…. writing is the least important thing that I need to be doing right now but here I am, with my first blog 🙂